My addictions and using drugs/alcohol to cope all stemmed from undiagnosed mental illness.

Instagram: @mysoberlifexx

 What’s your name and drug of choice? My name is Sian and my addiction was alcohol and cocaine but I would take anything offered to me to be honest.

What’s your sobriety date? I got Sober on the 19th of December 2020 after around 10 years of trying.

Give us a little background information. (Where are you from or grew up? What do you do for a living? What are your passions?) I’m 31, from Dundee in Scotland and had a typical normal childhood but began experiencing depression and anxiety in my early teens which lead to excess drinking to cope. I’m not currently working due to mental illness but would love to get back to a passion I had when I was younger which is writing hence why I’m here.

 Describe your experience as an addict. I would say my addictions and using drugs/alcohol to cope all stemmed from undiagnosed mental illness. Since around 20 years old I’ve been going to the GP about depression and anxiety and never really received much help. It wasn’t until 2018 when things came to a head, and I tried to kill myself 4 times in a 6-month period that I decided enough was enough. I went to a private therapist and really started working on my issues myself and I truly believe if I had been taking seriously all those years ago my life would look very different now. I’ve recently been diagnosed with BPD and one the symptoms is reckless/impulsive behaviours and addictions is very common. I was constantly told I would not get any help if I kept drinking, but I was drinking due to mental illness, so I think the system is completely flawed in that sense. Yes I’m depressed because I’m drinking but I’m also drinking because I’m depressed so who’s to say which came first?

 When did you realize your life had become unmanageable? I think I started to really notice I was drinking to much in my mid-twenties. When I first started on anti-depressants I noticed I would get more drunk and black out most nights. I would say and do things I would never dream of doing sober and the shame I felt almost daily overwhelmed me. Rather than stop drinking so much I realised coke stopped me blacking out and then began another few years of cross addictions.

What did your recovery look like? The day I decided enough was enough wasn’t even a rock bottom moment. Yeah, I’d been up all-night doing coke with people I don’t even know but it’s not like I was in hospital or anything like usual. I honestly donno why it happened that day, but I just remember coming home the following afternoon and crying to my mum saying I couldn’t live like this anymore.

How are you doing these days? These days I’m only a couple of weeks from my one year sober date and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Some days are still hard as I still have a mental illness to manage but the difference being I do manage it rather than try numb it or not feel my emotions atall.

What do you do to maintain sobriety? At the beginning I had to avoid social gatherings and pubs at all costs as I just knew I wasn’t strong enough. Although the longer you remain sober the easier it gets and getting better sort of becomes addicting in itself. Other than that I like to hangout with my dogs, read, drink tea and take plenty baths.

What are you grateful for? I’m grateful for my sister who when I was at my worst, flew home from Australia and basically demanded I get help. She has always taken care of me but this time I think she may of actually saved my life. For 10 years I wasn’t listened too, and she made sure this wouldn’t happen again. She also paid for me to go to therapy privately which I believe is one of the biggest factors in me getting sober. 

Any advice for newly sober folk? Keep trying! I think I tried to stop about 385 times but one day it will stick and you will never look back!