I don't know an hour or day…that I was sober. Sleeping made everything disappear.

Instagram: @mentalrific

 My name is April. 

My story starts back when I was born with fetal alcohol syndrome.

I was given up to the state, by my alcoholic mother. 

My father came looking for me around 2 years later. He was a mile or 2 from where I was when he hit a tree and went through the windshield, dying instantly. Cause of accident was ruled a DWI.

My crutch of choice was hard liquor. This started during an abusive relationship that I was in for 11 years. And every time I drank, it covered the pain I held. The bruises, the screaming, the pain of all of it disappeared when I drank. I have looked down the barrel of a gun twice. I have been left for dead more than once, I have been told my children were going to be orphaned. That was always my reason to drink more. 

I left him, as careful as I could. My children with me.

A few weeks later, he ended up taking them from me at a gas station. They were my EVERYTHING. This was the precursor for the worst of my drinking. 

I don't know an hour or day after that, that I was sober. Sleeping made everything disappear.

June 5th 2016, I had every intention of ending my life. In a hotel bathroom. Until

I got a message from my now fiance, asking how I was. Someone cared how I was……???
July of this year will mark my 2 years of full sobriety. 

I cannot say it was easy. I face my own mental health issues daily, on top of the Ptsd from my former abuser. But I push through because I know the person I was before. And I hate that person. I think of all that would be lost if I chose to go back to the girl I was. Nights of shaking, loneliness, desperation, sickness. I don't have intentions of inviting that part of me back in. 

I'm better than I have been in years. Even more so now that I am on a treatment plan for my mental health. I'm human, so some days are still hard, but with friends and family to support me, it's been so helpful.

One piece of advice that I can give anyone trying to quit.... Go look at yourself in the mirror, sober or not, right at this moment, go take a good hard look at yourself. This is the person you will remember. When you start your sober journey, this is the person you will see. Thrive to be better daily. One day at a time.