I am a Registered Nurse, my passion is to help people and ease suffering.
Name: Sandra Lee RN
Email: info@sandraleespeaks.com
Recovery Date: 07/01/2020
Drug of choice: Pills, Adderall and Xanax
Instagram: @sandraleespeaks
Facebook: @sandralee
Website: www.loveandlighttotheworld.org
Podcast: Casual Coffee Chat live stream
Give us a little background information. (Where are you from or grew up? What do you do for a living? What are your passions?): I grew up in a little city on the border of Detroit Michigan. My Dad struggled with alcoholism and my mom struggled with mental illness. My sister and I knew and felt the stigma of mental illness and addiction at a very early age. I am a Registered Nurse, my passion is to help people and ease suffering.
Describe your experience in addiction: I had gone through life-altering traumas all around the same time that included, having flashbacks and panic attacks of cases that I worked in as an ER nurse. My life was taking a downward spiral, devastating infidelity in my marriage, brutal divorce, and I could no longer work at my job, I suffered in silence and had an emotional and mental breakdown with a suicide attempt. I was found on my floor barely alive after an intentional overdose. After being released from the hospital I was put on multiple psych medications around 8. Having never been on psych meds, it was very overwhelming for my system. I was like the Walking Dead, a zombie, not present, and my mind was just blank. I accidentally left a space heater on which caused an accidental house fire that was very traumatic pretty much burning the house down. The house fire was the straw that broke the camel's back. Devastated, living out of hotels and different places with 2 kids and 3 days while our house was being rebuilt. I started taking too much Adderall with alcohol and I did this for months. My behavior was horrendous and I made some really bad decisions. One time I was awake for 4 days straight, hadn't eaten, and started to have some type of mental episode. My husband called the Dr. and she told him to give me a large amount of Xanax to bring me down. I then slept for a day and a half and that is when it began. The Xanax addiction. I was taking more than double my prescribed dose, at this time I had a case management job, I would wake up and work from home, take a ton of Xanax go to sleep, set my alarm wake up to cook dinner, and take more to go back to sleep. I didn't have to feel emotional pain or think about anything when I was sleeping, it was an actual escape. Eventually, I started taking more and more of the pills, sleeping more and more and I lost my job. After that, I pretty much slept my life away for another year-ish. I was literally sedating myself.
When did you realize your life had become unmanageable?: One day I woke up and as I was lying in bed I had this really weird reality wake-up call. Out of nowhere, I asked myself "What the hell are you doing with your life?" At that moment I realized I was sleeping my life away, had no purpose, and when the realization of having lost connection with my kids hit me, I immediately sat up. A bible verse came to my mind and lyrics to Eminem's song. I then stood up grabbed my phone and immediately called my husband and said "I need help" I need to get my life back. I need help. I was kind of in shock at those realizations and in my mind, I needed to fix it now. My husband came right home from work and he called my DR. Explained to her how bad my addiction was, approximately how much I was taking that he could estimate, and told her I wanted help. She advised that I needed medical care as Benzo's withdrawal could kill you. My mindset at the time, I refused to go to a medical facility or treatment center. My husband did some research figuring out a weaning dosage plan and I started the brutal weening and withdrawal phase. It was the most horrific experience of my life and I'm certain the reason I made it through was because of my higher power that carried me. This lasted about 6 weeks. Looking back, I prolonged my own suffering by not getting professional help. To anyone reading, I do not recommend that you ever get off of Xanax on your own, it is dangerous and you can die. My plea to you is that you seek professional help and do not go through what I went through, I barely made it out alive.
What did your recovery look like?: After that phase and now the drugs were out of my system, it was covid. The year was 2020 and everything was shutting down. There were no in-person meetings and nothing was set up online yet. I just started doing anything I could, reading self-help books, I talked to a friend who was familiar with AA and NA and they became my emotional support person to help me in the earliest rough days. I was ready to go back to using it, it was so hard to stay clean. One day I was on my computer and saw an ad for a free coaching challenge called "Get your shit together" Being the first time I ever saw an ad for coaching I thought it must be a sign. I attended the challenge and then became a part of a community. It was in this community that my real recovery started. I gained a supportive family, I learned how to forgive myself and others, and I learned how to connect to a higher power and my authentic self. I learned holistic wellness and boundaries, put in the work, and began a full life transformation. I had routines, mind, body, and spirit practices, connections with my kids and family, and few friends as well as my support community. Aside from the coaching, I started EMDR, cognitive behavioral therapy, and talk therapy to start healing from Complex PTSD. I lost 30 pounds in my first year, regained hope, and sparked a fire of passion inside of me to help others and make a difference in the world.
How are you doing these days?: I founded a non-profit called Love and Light to the World and created an awareness campaign for mental health and addiction recovery that has impacted and saved lives. I went to a speaking academy, published a book, and obtained coaching certification for holistic wellness, trauma recovery, and life transformation. I opened my own company called Rock Star Resilience where I offer courses, self-care coaching, and workshops. These days I am doing well, taking it one day at a time, pouring into my own cup first, and staying connected to my higher power.
What do you do to maintain your recovery?: I remain connected to a support community, I give back to the world by helping others with service from my non-profit, I remain connected to my close friends and family, and I have non-negotiable every single day for my self-care. My routine includes Medication, Mirror work (self-affirmations), Meditation/prayer, and Moving my body. I also practice gratitude, practice different things such as journaling, breathing exercises, writing, and therapeutic practices to process thoughts and feelings in a healthy way. Mindset work, rewiring thought patterns, and increasing consciousness is a vital part of my healing and recovery journey.
What are you grateful for?: First and foremost I am grateful for life, my sobriety, that I was saved from death multiple times, and can be a light in the darkness of mental health and addiction struggles for others. Grateful for my higher power, my health, the sun, my family, friends. I could go on all day. When you practice gratitude there comes a point where it just becomes who you are and you embody a grateful mindset, energy, and presence.
Any goals or aspirations you'd like to share?: I have a goal to launch our awareness campaign school speaking tour for 2025.
Any advice you would give to newly sober folks?: I want you to know that you have a fire of strength inside of you that you can ignite every single day that will light your path and help you push through your days. Connect to support, a support system is vital, I could not do it alone and without the support, I would not be writing this to you right now. Give yourself love and grace, and know that it is courageous to reach out for support or help when you need it. Remember that recovery is a journey, not a race, and the only person that needs to be proud of you is you. You are a freaking rockstar.