I knew that I had a problem when I was 18.
Instagram: @manbundiscjockey
What’s your name and drug of choice? Edward LaRue. It's difficult to just pick one. My doctor diagnosed me a polysubstance abuser, but in more recent years, stimulant use disorder. Uppers were more my problem for the majority of my active addiction. So, from my teen years until my late 20's, I sniffed powder cocaine. But in my late 20's, 27ish? I upgraded to smoking crack-cocaine, and injecting cocaine. Eventually, it became more cost effect to shoot methamphetamine. But a day didn't go by that I didn't smoke marijuana, also. Though it wasn't problematic, it was still there, dulling my senses, costing me a lot of money, and what felt like a necessity.
What’s your sobriety date? This time around, I've been sober and clean since November 6th, 2022. I have had periods of abstinence before, but nothing that lasted more than 2 or 3 months at a time.
I grew up in south-eastern Michigan, in a city called Ypsilanti. My parents divorced at age 6. One of my closest friends was killed at age 13. I was diagnosed bipolar 1 with psychotic Features around age 19, after having a full blown psychotic episode in college.
Describe your experience as an addict.
My problematic uses early in life we're binge drinking, pharmaceutical pain killers and benzos, marijuana, and regular use of cocaine. That lasted many years, with short breaks after every manic episode I would have.
I overdid it on the psychedelics, the MDMA and pressed ecstasy pills. Eventually when I began using drugs intravenous around age 27, I overdosed several times on Fentynal. If it weren't for my friends and Narcan, I'd be long dead.
When did you realize your life had become unmanageable? I knew, indefinitely, that I had a problem when I was 18. I had been drinking since early morning, one summer day after graduating highschool, and totalled my mom's vehicle. I fled the scene but ended up calling my mom around midnight to take me to the hospital, where the police found me and charged me with minor in possession of alcohol (luckily not a DUI). I remember vividly my parents telling me I had to quit drinking and that sent me into a hysterical panic attack.
What did your recovery look like? I have tried a few things, and been in and out of AA and NA since age 17, when I got busted selling marijuana in highschool. So I was familiar with the 12 steps, but didn't really work them until recently.
How are you doing these days? Very well. I have a low-stress job that I love, bipolar medication that works well, a girlfriend I want to marry, and two bright daughters from my marriage, who are 13 and 16 now.
What do you do to maintain sobriety? I live in a transitional housing program (sober living apartment) where I'm required to be tested weekly, go to 7 meetings a week, and stay active in the recovery community.
What are you grateful for? So much. Even the trauma I endured in prison has made me the person I am today. I'm grateful my kids are healthy and intelligent. I'm grateful for my living girlfriend. I'm grateful for my job. And I'm grateful I don't want to get high anymore.
Any advice you would give to newly sober folks? Never stop trying to better yourself. It took me 20+ years of active using to get to where I am now. Recovery probably won't happen overnight, but if you want it bad enough, you can have it, also. Relapses happen, just dust yourself off and keep trying to make choices that help you rather than hurt you. And be kind to yourself!