Through the process of recovery, I began to learn to make a home in myself.
Instagram: @ginelletesta
Website: ginelletesta.com
Published Book: Pre-Oder “Make a Home Out of You: A Memoir”
Clean and Sober: 01/21/2014
Drug of choice: Alcohol & drugs
Give us a little background information. (Where are you from or grew up? What do you do for a living? What are your passions?): Hi! My name is Ginelle. I use she/they pronouns. I am currently a Content Marketing Manager, or a full-time writer, at a tech startup in Boston. I got my master's degree in sobriety in digital marketing. I’m originally from New Hampshire.
I wrote a memoir titled “Make a Home Out of You: A Memoir,” which will be released on September 3, 2024. It’s about the idea that I made homes in people, behaviors, and substances instead of in myself. Through the process of recovery, I began to learn to make a home in myself.
My passions are writing, LGBTQIA+ topics, body positivity, yin/restorative yoga, board/arcade/video games, and thrift shopping.
Describe your experience in addiction.: I drank from ages 13-21. I was a binge drinker from the start. I used alcohol and drugs to cope with my undiagnosed bipolar, PTSD, and eating disorders. Drinking resulted in messy situations like being sexually assaulted, arrested, or taking off all my clothes at a party in a blackout.
My addiction often looked like waking up naked and covered in vomit on a cold tile floor, having a pit of shame in my stomach for a mistake I made the night before, and having to explain to my boyfriend that I made out with a random man (or woman) at the bar.
It was never pretty. Drugs were a part of my story, but alcohol was the main culprit.
When did you realize your life had become unmanageable?: The last night - that cold tile wakeup where I had cheated on my boyfriend for the umpteenth time, led me to tell my therapist the whole truth for the first time. My drinking was out of control, and so was my behavior when I drank (and even when I was sober). I was a person I no longer recognized or respected.
I wanted to be different. I didn’t know what it would take to travel down a different path, but I was willing to do anything.
What did your recovery look like?: I crawled my way into AA and initially found red-bull-filled, cigarette-smoking, hopping young people’s meetings to be healing. I was only 21 and confused as to what I was doing in AA. Surely, it was not meant for people my age. But these young people (and older folks) lifted me up, and helped me find meaning in life, and fun in recovery. They helped me become that person of dignity and grace I never knew I hoped to be, but now I value deeply.
I was wholly committed to AA for nine years - doing the steps multiple times, taking people through the steps myself, acting as chair and treasurer and keyholder for meetings, attending my home group and assorted other meetings, and trying daily to practice the principles I had been taught. I adored AA and thought it was one of the greatest gifts I’d ever been given. I still think that.
However, in August 2023, I left AA and began a new journey of self-trust. I wanted to take all that I’d learned, experienced, and gone through and allow that to inform my choices. I felt I was leaning too heavily on the program, sponsors, and fellows to tell me how to live my life.
Now, when faced with a decision, such as - do I pursue this person who is 13 days sober (real situation I’m facing right now)? I can ask myself, based on what I know and have done, if this is a good idea. When the answer is no, I can do my best to follow through with what my intuition tells me. Same with when the answer is yes.
My journey recently has been honing that intuition. I still ask friends and therapists for help; I don’t exist in a vacuum, but I depend on my highest self much more than I ever did before.
How are you doing these days?: I am more committed to my sobriety than ever, but now I am not afraid of booze. I go to bars with my friends weekly, I can talk about it, be around it, and I’m pretty neutral. These days I make not drinking an active choice rather than something I am “powerless” over.
I am thriving. My bipolar has been stable for five years. I’m in an amazing career. I have so many loved ones. I am chasing my biggest passion as a flourishing writer. There are endless tangible ways my life is lovely - like having an apartment to call mine. But, more importantly there are subtle signs like increased emotional intelligence and resiliency.
What do you do to maintain your recovery?: I see a therapist every Friday and have communities such as my friends I met from the Meetup app, my cornhole league buddies, writing group pals, and more. I show up regularly to these events and maintain friendships. I also do slow yoga every Tuesday to remind myself of the importance of mindfulness.
I’m dedicated to being the best person I can be. I try to grow and learn every day.
What are you grateful for?: This is always an interesting question. Sometimes I’m fully open - ready to express gratitude. Sometimes, like now, while I’m grieving the loss of my most recent ex to suicide, I feel gratitude is annoying. But, it’s always worth practicing, even if that means holding both sadness and gratitude at once.
With that, I’m grateful that I’m above ground, that I am a soon-to-be author of a book I poured my heart and soul into, that I have people in my life who show they love me, that I have a job I adore with colleagues who value me, bipolar medication that stabilizes me, and habits that keep me sane and sober.
Any goals or aspirations you'd like to share?: I aspire to continue writing (which writing this is helping!), to write more books and personal essays, to be published somewhere big like the New York Times, to continue to love deeply and openly despite betrayal and loss, to keep improving my knowledge and output at work, to keep growing my social media communities, to keep telling my truth, and to keep reminding myself that I’m always enough.
Any advice you would give to newly sober folks?: Get a community of like-minded people and make sober friends. No one understands the experience like another person in recovery. This may be AA, a Buddhist recovery group (I went to one of those for seven years), or SMART recovery. It could also be a Meetup group or a Facebook group. Find people who will understand your struggles and triumphs.