From that moment I chose to help myself. I knew I had it in me.

Instagram: @soberbloomedky

My name is Jen Short, I am 60 years old, a medically retired RN. I am a Mom to 2 grown children, 2 stepchildren.and 3 grandchildren.

My sobriety date is May 29,2021

I wanted to tell my sobriety story in hopes that someone else in my age group could relate and find some inspiration. So here it goes. Let’s take it back to the beginning. 

My drinking history started when I was 16. My then boyfriend thought it would be fun to get me drunk for the first time on vodka. I took several shots and threw up naturally. It was awful. I quickly switched to beer and things took off from there. Every occasion involved drinking.  Keg parties, jungle juice, Boones Farm. 

I had suffered a sexually traumatic relationship at 14 that from then on caused me to suffer from self esteem issues.  I was labeled a slut and had few friends all throughout high school.  I used alcohol for confidence and to try to fit in. Over the next few years my tolerance increased and I lost myself.  I had no goals or direction. I suffered another sexual trauma at 20 by a much older boyfriend. Low self esteem combined with alcohol made me make poor choices in life and men. I didn’t think I was worth more. 

Around that time I decided I needed a drastic change. I wanted marriage and motherhood and a stable life. I picked a young man that seemed the opposite of what I normally dated. Religious, hard working, high morals. I thought I could elevate my life. He chose me for the wrong reasons as well. 

I got married and shape shifted myself into this religious strict life. 

I spontaneously stopped drinking for about 20 years. I knew I couldn’t continue if I wanted a different life. It was a good life and my children brought me a sense of purpose and joy. My father passed away and seeing my mother struggle I knew I needed a career of my own. And financial independence. 

Towards the end of that marriage I discovered wine.  I had grown and matured and felt oppressed. My kids were growing and needing me less. I felt lonely in my marriage. My husband didn’t want to go to counseling and said he didn’t want anything to change. I had asked my primary doctor about my marriage issues and he suggested a glass of wine to get in the mood. I told my husband what he said and his response was ‘he should be careful who he says that to’. He knew me. He was right. I took it as a green light to start drinking wine. Everyone else did it. 

It also started the end of my marriage. I whole heartedly think alcohol had some influence on the decisions I made. 

I got divorced which was so painful for me and I know my children who were 14 and 18. The guilt haunts me and I used alcohol to push those feelings down. 

I quickly jumped into another relationship and marriage. Too fast. Again with the self sabotage. It was great for a few years and then as we got to know each other and life stressors burdened us it became tumultuous and difficult. I used alcohol frequently to cope and escape. I also became aware that I drank more than everyone else. Every family occasion I drank to ease my anxiety. I embarressed myself at weddings and parties. I drank too much in front of my adult children and I never felt good about that. My stressful job as a Nurse was an excuse to drink as well. Literally any reason I could think of was an excuse to drink. 

By the time Covid came I decided it was time to leave my career. I had back issues that were causing me tremendous pain and I had cut back to 2 days a week anyway since my grandchild was born. What I wasn’t prepared for was the isolation and loneliness from having lost my purpose.  I had such pride being a Nurse.  I loved being part of something bigger than myself.  I became caretaker of my mother and grandchild. I had so much anxiety and pain that I attributed it to my physical problems. The boredom was mind numbing. I was used to and thrive in a more fast paced life. I became obsessed with wine. I gave myself permission to drink whenever and however much I wanted. At the end that meant a bottle of wine almost 7 days a week. It was almost as if I was saying to myself- ‘let’s see where this will go’. I knew if I continued drinking a bottle a night that I was going to eventually have serious physical consequences. I of course was not up front with my PCP about the amount and frequency I drank but she also told me based on my MRI of my back it would be understandable if I drank a few more than acceptable to lessen the pain.  I took that as a green light again. 

I stood in my kitchen one evening and just said to myself ‘ where are you are going with this? You know what’s coming if you continue. Do you really not want to not be here?” ‘Give yourself another chance’. ‘What if it’s the alcohol actually causing you anxiety?’

I just broke down and cried and said to whoever was listening ‘please take this from me’. My higher self was listening. 

From that moment I chose to help myself. I knew I had it in me. I started developing a plan to cope with the wine witch. I educated myself on withdrawal and coping strategies. I wanted this to be long term so I knew willpower will only get me so far,. 

I circled my wagons so to speak and started my journey. I had a few stretches of sobriety. A 15 day and a 30 day. I was mad at myself for not keeping my word to myself. I told a good supportive friend what I wanted. I read Annie Graces book and did the free 30 day alcohol experiment and decided to keep going. I worked on myself internally and looked back at how alcohol had affected my life negatively. Every traumatic or painful thing happened when I was intoxicated. 

I had a few months of the Pink Cloud. Things leveled off and I’m currently 28 months sober.  It’s not always been easy. I still have a hard time being around white wine drinkers. I’ve never looked back though because living alcohol free has brought me so much clarity and joy.  My anxiety is almost non existent and I’m coping better with my pain, my marriage and my boredom. Every day I am thankful and proud of myself. I no longer make decisions clouded and influenced by alcohol. I’m rational and clear and that’s the best feeling ever. 

Any advice you would give to newly sober folks?

1. Be honest with yourself about your drinking and acknowledge you may have an issue. That’s the only way to start. If necessary, if you are a heavy drinker speak to your a Doctor honestly. 

2. Surround yourself with knowledge and arm yourself with a plan. Read as much as you can, listen to podcasts, find a group or community. 

I recognized my triggers -that every afternoon about 4pm my cravings would start so I left the house. I went for a long walk, I went to the movies, I visited my grandchild. Long enough to get past that window of time.

3. Don’t consider it a failure if you drink during the process. Learn from it. How did it make you feel physically and mentally? 

4. I chose to recover out loud. I posted it on my personal Facebook page. I had several people reach out to me that were struggling that wanted help. I wanted there to be less stigma and the only way to do that is to get rid of the shame. 

Thank you

Jen