August 5, 2016 was my last night to drink.

Instagram: @anitatavendale

My name is Anita Tavendale.  

I could look my children in the eye and lie about my drinking.  

They were young and I look back and remember my oldest walking in the room and sniffing the air. 

It’s not nice to see your children’s senses heightened because of ME, a parent.

Yes I had a wine in a cup.

I would say “my kids come first” but as an alcoholic no they didn’t. What’s happening in my mind supersedes the reality. 

I had two arrests. I would drink “alone”.  Drink again in the day.  Spirits/Benders.  In the end none of the flavours appealed.  It all moulded into just a vinegary taste.  I was living in my mind, not reality. 

August 5 2016 was my last night to drink. Day 1 began and my life changed. 

I am 7 years sober. Achieved in my forties.  

Any advice for a struggling user of anything:  Any past trauma or experiences, self doubt or suffering will not heal in using.  Only in facing the days and feelings will a person start to heal.  

A “still” sleep.  Gone the restless days and restless nights poisoning myself with copious amounts of alcohol. 

I am “present” with my children, not just there! I love gardening, writing, animals and they’re all active hobbies. 

Addiction is “stagnation”. 

Recovery is a river where you’ll flow and progress.  Slowlybut surely. 

 It’s easier to sit with your feelings.  BE sad, really hurt or frustrated and to learn to do this and just BE than to accomplish this in a grave.