The cliche saying “my worst day sober is better than my best day high” is the truest thing I’ve ever heard.
Instagram: @k.marie310
My name is Kelly, and my drug of choice was opioids, and when I say opioids I literally mean anything that would make me feel like I didn’t have to run anymore, whatever drug got me out of my own head (well so I thought)
My sobriety/clean date is September 26, 2020! Over a year now 🙌🏼
I am from Pittsburgh, PA, born and raised. I have been a nurse now for 13 years, and have always had a passion for helping others.
Here is my story… I became addicted to pills when I was 19, I had a lot of stomach issues as a kid, surgeries, and of course, anxiety. So, back then, my doctor was my biggest drug dealer (not on purpose) but the way it went, pain=Vicodin, pain=oxy, anxiety=oxy and Xanax, and etc. about 120 a month I would get, literally having no idea what the hell my future was going to turn out like, (no one taught you about addiction and detoxing back then!) I was a great student, cheerleading, softball, I had a lot of friends! Unfortunately my childhood wasn’t the easiest though, I had a lot of abandonment issues and bills never paid on time, so when I felt the way the pills took away my problems, I was wow this is some magical shit! Boy, was I wrong… that being said, I was prescribed it for a good 5 years, I went to nursing school, got a great job working at a children’s hospital. I slowly saw my life changing in ways I didn’t like, I was irritable all the time, my health was awful and I was messed up at work, AND this is when my life had really become unimaginable, I was about 24, my doctor just abruptly said no more pain meds, to go to a pain clinic, to which I did as well, they were a lot stricter too... I had some family on pain meds, so I’d say for another year I would get them that way, but then that ended too… oh, and detoxing, if you don’t know, well trust me, you don’t want to know. Legit the most emotional and physical pain to endure. One day when I was working, I got the hey kelly, random drug test, and well you guessed, I failed, I lost my nursing license, I also lost myself that day. I decided to go to the street for drugs (never did I think that’d be me! Because I wasn’t that “kind” of drug addict) but let’s face it, everyone hits these points if you don’t get help.
I spent my whole $25,000 savings on drugs, I was taking out early 401ks, stealing from everyone, lying, cheating, going to really really dangerous places. I messed my stomach up so bad from pills I needed surgery multiple times. I couldn’t keep a job to save my life, all my relationships were awful, I became a monster. I hated myself so bad that everyday I prayed I wouldn’t wake up. It took over my life to the extreme. I hit rock bottom sooo many times, I’d stay clean for a few months go to meetings then BOOM, I’d be back at it 100x harder. Psych wards were my new normal… Finally one day, I was driving my little red Mercedes (because of course I was vain and needed a sports car to pretend like I wasn’t basically homeless) and I hit a little boy on his bicycle trying to get my fix. It was the worst feeling in the world. And I had a moment where I was like “wtf are you doing!!!” And I detoxed the next day, I stayed clean almost 8 months, but yet, that wasn’t enough for me, I went back out there a year ago, and let’s remind everyone, drugs are stamped with everything possible now days, so I played Russian roulette every single day, and one day I LOST, I overdosed, my wife found me completely unconscious, she called 911 and the fire department and ambulance came (I don’t remember obviously) they kept narcanning me and I wouldn’t wake up… my first memory back was in the ambulance and I couldn’t hear and had a tube down my throat and I could see it in their eyes that they didn’t think I was going to make it AND that was my rock bottom. By the grace of god, I woke up, stayed in the hospital and fought like hell. I came out, changed my number, got off Facebook, got a new car, I went to intensive outpatient for 11 months, meetings, sponsors, therapy—you name it. I was never letting myself hurt myself or my loved ones again. I can’t but WE can is something I’ve learned in recovery.
I am doing great these days, I’d be lying if I said everyday is perfect, but the cliche saying “my worst day sober is better than my best day high” is the truest thing I’ve ever heard.
I have an amazing job again, an amazing wife, family and friends—my recovery is awesome, I speak to others at hospitals and institutions. I have a great sponsor and support. Most of all I’m working on why I became an addict, my trauma, my anxieties and fears. People forget, mental health is a huge part of recovery.
I maintain sobriety by staying away from people, places and things that bring me toxicity. (if u lay with the dogs you’ll wake up with fleas!) I pray all the time. I’m honest, I’m loyal, I do the work! Hard work!!! Uncomfortable work!!! And I remember having peace is way better than any high I ever got.
I’m so grateful I got a second (well about a 5th) chance at life to do it right, a chance to help others, even if it’s one person. I’m grateful for my higher power and all the people who believed in me when I gave up on myself, I’m also grateful for people today that reach out and want to hear my story, knowing it could help!
Best advice I would give to someone newly clean and sober or still out there, Is , your life isn’t over, you can reverse all of this, you can start over!! The pain is worth the reward, I promise you!!