Words cannot describe the feeling of being 12 years old and all alone in this world.

Instagram: @forrestferguson

My name is Forrest and my drug of choice was alcohol but definitely not limited to just alcohol.

My sobriety date is 09/21/2010.

I was born in Austin, Texas in 1961. I spent my early childhood in Austin. In 1969 we moved 25 miles east of town where I still live today. I own and operate a metal fabrication and welding business. Passions would include cooking, fishing, restoring old things and most importantly helping others.

My addiction became active at age 12. I didn't fit in or feel loved as a child and I really didn't know how to deal with that. Another factor at this point in my life was my religious upbringing. I would go to church weekly and all I ever got out of that was a long list of deeds for which I would be sent to hell. At this point in my life I felt no love from my parents or God, didn't have any real friends and I was sad and scared. Words cannot describe the feeling of being 12 years old and all alone in this world. I wanted so bad for someone to like or care about me but there seemed to be no one.  I found that alcohol would numb those feelings and give me some relief. And so it began and would continue for the next 36 years. During this time my alcoholism permeated every aspect of my life and those around me. As time went on the alcohol was less and less effective at numbing the pain. The result eventually being drunk, sad and scared. The usual consequences where experienced, failed relationships, failed marriages, loss of contact with child, the list goes on. All hope was lost.    

My life was unmanageable from the get go. It wasn't until I was 48 years old that I became willing to accept help. I was so hopeless and beaten down I couldn't function anymore. All systems were failing and my life was a smoldering heap, one that I had set on fire. At this point in my life I felt that I had fucked up more than could be fixed before I died. I wanted it all to end, I didn't care anymore. 

I began my recovery in the rooms of AA. I was able to put the bottle down one day at a time. I learned in the rooms that God did in fact love me as did the people in the program. In the beginning the whole love concept was very foreign to me, I though I didn't need it. I first had to learn that God did love me and I had to do away with my misconceptions of Him. Next I learned that I needed to love myself, this was tough. Then I had to learn to love others. Loving others was a lot easier than I thought it would be. After learning the importance of love I don't want to see anyone go without as I had. So that leaves us with letting others love me, really tough for me to do, but I got through it.  Today through Love I now have Hope in my life!

I'm doing fantastic these days. I live a totally different life today. I have learned a better way of thinking and living. My entire thought process has changed and continues to grow. I have healthy relationships and a beautiful marriage today. God is Great and Life is Awesome!

Early in sobriety I got hung up on the fact that I had wasted 36 years of my life. I sent it up in prayer and the way it came back was that it wasn't wasted if I used the experience to help others. I pray, stay active with other Alcoholics and my Recovery Family. I work my program. I help others every opportunity I get.

The list is long but some of the main things I'm grateful for are my sobriety, family, the opportunity to help others and life itself.  

To the newly sober I would say this. You have worth and purpose. You are headed for a life so unbelievably awesome if you are willing to put forth the effort. You have been chosen to walk a path few ever will. When you need help reach out!