Be kind to yourself. That’s Rule #1.
Eliza David, Iowa, USA
I write under the pseudonym Eliza David and my drug of choice was alcohol.
I had my last drink on September 1st, 2019.
(I am) Originally from Chicago, I have been a resident of Iowa for two decades. While I am a romance writer and blogger, I work as a librarian for my dayjob. I live a life surrounded by books and words – it’s pretty cool!
Describe your experience as an addict. Alcohol has played a direct and indirect role in my life since I was born. My family struggled with alcoholism and, as an adult, I went from collegiate-style binge drinking to becoming completely immersed in the ‘mommy wine’ culture. I could not go more than half a day without a drink, specifically Pinot Grigio, hard seltzer, and sugary martinis.
When did you realize your life had become unmanageable? The chaos intertwined with my spiritual journey. The more I uncovered about my trauma and past, the more I drank. Alcohol became my numbing agent during my healing process (oh, the irony!). I woke up thinking about my next drink, taking sips of beer or wine before going to work just to get me in the office door. By my fortieth birthday, drinking was a priority in my daily life. My breakthrough came during Labor Day weekend in 2019. After two nights of binge drinking, I woke up to a face I didn’t recognized. I talk a great deal about what I called my ‘soft bottom’ on my blog but it was the most humbling moment of my life. I realized in that moment that none of the spiritual work I had done would matter if I continued to use alcohol to numb the lessons. That was my first sober day and – 408 more days later – here I am.
What did your recovery look like? The first three months were an adjustment. I went cold turkey so I had to go about the business of restructuring my daily routine to not include alcohol. Fortunately, my husband was very instrumental in nurturing my new alcohol-free life. The biggest challenge for me was learning how to feel my feelings without using alcohol to numb them. That aspect of sobriety taught me (and continues to teach me) a lot about myself and added layers and levels to my spiritual journey.
How are you doing these days? Great! Sobriety is not only good for your wallet but it’s awesome for your weight loss as well. I’ve lost 53 pounds, with the first eight coming off after my first month sober. My creativity has expanded beyond novel writing, leading to professional growth in the arenas of podcasting and vlogging (video blogging). My spiritual life has flourished, along with my personal relationships and my most important bond: with myself.
What do you do to maintain sobriety? I stay present and rely on my spiritual practice. Attempting my first year of sobriety during a quarantine was a blessing and a curse. While I didn’t have to be tempted by booze in restaurants, boredom and cabin fever both proved be triggers to drink. That’s where staying present in my practice came into play. The comfort of knowing that I could breathe through a craving was reassuring. Knowing that I could go into meditation or go for a (socially distanced) walk instead of having a drink were helpful alternatives.
What are you grateful for? My family have been nothing but understanding and encouraging during my sober journey. Great friends, most of whom have known me for over twenty years, have been steady support systems. My career – both with the library and my writing – has been a great outlet; words have and continue to be a comfort for me. I’m grateful for the breath in my body, the warmth of my soul, and the humor in my heart. My cup runneth over, for real.
Any advice you would give to newly sober folks? Be kind to yourself. That’s Rule #1. Understand that you are rewiring decades of learned behavior around alcohol. Show yourself some grace and compassion during this process. Tomorrow is always another day.