I was adopted at a young age and never felt like I belonged.
Instagram: @overcomer333
My name is Jessyka Anne Freedom, and I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict.
Now...let me begin: my whole life I felt the need to escape or 'numb' myself. I was adopted at a young age and never felt like I belonged. I was different from everyone else that I knew. I was/am the 'black sheep'. I will never forget my first sip of alcohol...that warm feeling was so comforting to me. Whatever that was, I wanted more of it! No one in my family drank or smoked or did anything else for that matter. I was on my own. Due to the awful relationship with my father, I kept running away from home. Every time that I left of course things got worse. I left home for the last time my senior year and began drinking every single day.
I was later introduced to cocaine. The first time that I tried cocaine, I fell in love with it. For a little while all the pain that I carried within myself, seemed to go away. In my mind cocaine was the answer to all my problems. I convinced myself that, that fantastic drug was put on this earth just for me! It was the beginning of 'fast life'. Every day was a constant never-ending party. I began racing cars, going to all the best night clubs, selling drugs, doing anything and everything that I wanted not even caring about the consequences. My best friend was murdered and that ripped me apart but at the same time woke me up. I decided to try to change my life. So I left it all...I left it all behind.
I moved away from there, met someone and got married and we left to go live overseas. In Germany I thought that I was doing so much better. In my mind I 'upgraded' from drinking only beer to now fancy wines. I went from living the 'fast-life' to trying to be a 'housewife'. I worked at a gym and also did photo shoots. I was constantly worried about my image (my weight)...so I worked out at the gym all the time, so I could drink how I wanted to. So on top of everything else I had an eating disorder. As long as I could drink...that's all that mattered to me.
So I'm going to skip forward to around the time of my divorce. I suffered from very serious trauma that continued on and on for many years. Every day was a battle! Every day was a fight! Today I still live with severe PTSD. Over the years doctors had me on so many different medications. So many in fact that I became a zombie. It was so bad that I couldn't even hold a job. The only thing in my mind that seemed to help was alcohol and drugs. Street drugs...not that stuff prescribed by the doctor. There was a whole lot more going on that people didn't seem to understand. Every day I was fighting for my life! I was fighting to survive! For me drugs and alcohol just made my life bearable.
I was in and out of hospitals, rehabs, and jail. There were guards at that jail that would pull me aside and ask me "what the hell is going on Jessyka?! You were just released from here!" Even my ride that picked me up from jail always knew to have a 6-pack of beer on the floorboard waiting on me. Yes, my life was out of control! I did this for years. It got to a point where I had nothing left. I crumbled and fell to my knees begging GOD to take me. I was 'guided' into hermit mode. No people. No places. Nothing. It was just me and GOD. My story is not normal. I had a whole lot of other things going on that I cannot get into at this time...but I MADE IT!!! Every single day I thought would be my last. I had to do some very serious healing work. For me, it wasn't the drugs or the alcohol that was the problem...it was me. I had so much pain that I kept trying to block out and cover up. After all the work that I have done on myself and that I continue to do...I have not craved a single drink or drug. I even quit smoking cigarettes, I no longer put anything 'toxic' into my body. But please hear me, I cannot take all the credit. GOD did this! GOD healed me! I am in fact a miracle.
Years back if I would have heard someone say what I just said, I would have rolled my eyes and said "give me a break!" But it's true. I had nothing left inside of me. I was just a shell of a body walking around this earth. Recovery is possible. Recovery is real.
If (I) can recover...anyone else can!!! Don't give up before the miracles happen!!! Always remember this...you are loved & you are not alone. I believe in you.