My motto was work hard, party hard.
My name is Dora Gosselin and I am a recovering alcoholic/addict. My drug of choice was “more”. Once I started drinking and got a couple of drinks down I’d be thinking about what was next and calling the dealer. I never had just one drink and I never did figure out what drink it was that brought on the blackouts.
I drank and drugged for over thirty years and for many of those I was very productive and held down a job so it didn’t occur to me that I could possibly be an alcoholic or addict because in my mind those people were homeless and that wasn't me. My motto was work hard, party hard. I deserved those drinks at the end of the day or week. The people I hung out with partied like I did so how could I possibly have a problem?
It started off in high school and was a way to fit in and feel comfortable being me. Later on it was a treat and a reward for my hard work adulting and in the end the booze and drugs became a coping mechanism to numb out my reality that I had no other way of escaping from. Drinking and drugging was my solution! Until one day when it wasn’t.
Towards the end of my drinking and drugging career I remember a point when I had been high as a kite and up for about two days when it dawned on me that I felt completely trapped in this toxic relationship and there was nothing I could do about it. I realized in that moment that I was utterly hopeless and if I didn’t get out soon this relationship would kill me. I remember thinking to myself, this is a dangerous spot for me to be in if I don’t even have an ounce of hope and hope doesn’t cost a thing.
About a month after that hopeless moment I walked out of that relationship for the last time and had this idea that maybe if I quit drinking and drugging for like a month that I would have the strength and courage to not get sucked back into that life. I walked into the arms of a 12 step program in the summer of 2018 where I learned that I was indeed an alcoholic and addict and that I was suffering from an incurable disease.
I had completely lost the power to control my drinking and for the first time I heard that the only way I could have any control was to not have the first drink, one is too many and a thousand not enough. I found hope in a room full of alcoholics and addicts who knew exactly what I was struggling with and they had a solution, and the solution wasn't a drink or drug.
Today I am turning my mess into my message by sharing my journey and the journey of many others with the Soberoso brand and podcast. I am speaking out about all those things that hide in the dark where shame, isolation and addiction thrive. Today I do not crave alcohol or drugs, today I crave a sober life that is filled with hope and endless possibilities.
If you are struggling with alcoholism or addiction please know that it is never too late to change. You do not have to hide in the dark or suffer in silence. We do recover and you can too!
Wear and share your passion for recovery with Soberoso and the world by visiting our online shop where we have a bunch of recovery related merch to promote and support a clean and sober life.