@kirkenberg

Name: Tyler Kirk

What’s your sobriety date? 8/7/2011

What’s the name of your drug of choice: al-keee-hawl!

Give us a little background information. I work in the advertising industry as a creative director/writer in Austin, Texas. I grew up in Dallas, went to college at Texas Tech, spent more than a decade working in Chicago and now live just outside Austin with my wife and our daughter. I also play on a baseball team called The Grackles. We are awful.

Describe your experience as an addict. I was always a happy drunk . . . a Good Time Charlie. I never got arrested or got into fights or woke up on the tarmac at the Lubbock Airport with one boot missing and a Pez dispenser in my pocket. Which is good because I’m fragile. My experience as a drunk was kind of like a hockey game. 

1st Period: High School/College

During the 1st period I was all fired up and raring to go. It was the start of the game and I was fresh-faced and excited to be out there with the big boys. And I was pretty good at it. I didn’t really know what I was getting myself into . . . all I knew was that it was damn fun. This part of the game was just exciting and new, come aboard, we’re expecting you.

2nd Period: Post College

The 2nd period was still a lot of fun but started to become a bit tiring. I’d wake up with mystery bruises and the recovery took a little longer. I wasn’t as polished as I was in the first period. I wasn’t able to bounce back as quickly as I used to. And during this time a lot of my teammates were retiring or going to play in the Matrimony League.

3rd Period: late 20s to mid 30s

The 3rd period was a big sloppy mess. The game was hard to follow and most of the fans had gone home. Those still on the ice were a bunch of fat, washed-up Munsons who still liked to talk about their time on the Collegiate Circuit. Also of note during this last period was that I was playing in more and more pick-up games. This is where I’d just show up on the ice alone and scrap up a game with some of the other rink rats. I finally left during the 3rd period when everyone around me started to tell me I had turned into a really shitty hockey player.

When did you realize your life had become unmanageable? There was no single point of realization. It was a combination. The other day I looked at my passport pic that was taken during my boozing years. I cringed because I look like a Circus Peanut. But one glaring thing at the time were the hangovers. They were fucking awful and made me absolutely worthless. “Working” the day after a night of drinking was about as productive as trying to thread a needle with a sausage. I’d show up late, flushed and bloated, and essentially take up space until it was time to go home. Looking back it was really pathetic and embarrassing. But I also work in an industry where heavy drinking is the norm . . . so more often than not there were others within spitting distance suffering the same blistering hangover because we were out together. This isn’t an excuse but it is a fact. During this time more and more people were commenting that they thought I drank too much. So, yeah, that was a red flag. It all came to an end one Saturday morning in a stairwell at Wrigley Field. It was 11am and I was already good and drunk “for the game”. My brother Lee pulled me aside and told me point blank that I was a pathetic drunk and he was rapidly losing respect for me. That moment changed everything for me. That was my last drink.

What did your recovery look like? I called up some friends who had several years of sobriety under their belts. They all had their own advice, but the one common denominator was AA. The best advice I ever received was to “Pick a meeting, show up, find a chair, sit your ass down, open your ears and shut your fucking mouth. Your way doesn’t work, it’s time to try another way. So be quiet and listen.” I was so focused on getting sober and I did exactly that. I was encouraged to do a ‘90 in 90” . . . which is 90 meetings in 90 days. I ended up doing a 1000 in a 1000. I went every single day for the first 3 or so years.

How are you doing these days? Great. I am approaching 10 years and these days my focus is on family and work, and of course sobriety. Being a dad is the most important thing in the world to me. I can’t imagine trying to be a parent while also trying to be a drinker. Thankfully I had been sober for 4 years before my daughter was even born. These days I still attend some AA meetings and mentor folks who want to get sober.

What do you do to maintain sobriety? I am fascinated with alcoholism and am always reading about it. I love sobriety memoirs. I’m actually writing one of my own. I regularly reflect on why I quit drinking so that I never forget. I also run a lot in order to clear the moldy hops and barley barnacles that are still taking up residence in my hostel of a head.

What are you grateful for? My wife. My daughter. My family. My health. My friends. My sobriety. Not relapsing when my son died. And my collection of Chicago Blackhawks hats. And trail mix.

What advice would you give to newly sober folks? Remember how it was. Don’t forget what got you to this place. If you were a lying piece of shit who was always drunk and pissing people off and waking up in jail, keep that fresh. I say this because it’s so easy to forget after a little time goes by. And listen to people who have been there. Take advice. Your way clearly doesn’t work. So pick a meeting, grab a chair, open your ears and shut your fucking mouth.

You can do it. It sounds cheesy, but “one day at a time’ is very powerful and very real. And to hell with what anybody else thinks. This is your journey. You are in control.