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I am delighted to present Ashley and Jay’s stories of sobriety. This will be my first story of a sober couple involving two separate souls and paths which converge into an incredible culmination of stories. I admire them as they are each unique and presented uniquely. Their hearts and souls are just amazing.

Without further ado: we have Ashley’s story first (in her own words), followed by Jay in a heartfelt audio track.

Ashley:

My name is Ashley Beaucage and I would have to say my first DOC was Cocaine. As I fell further and further into the pit of my addiction it came to a point where whatever would numb my pain. 

My sobriety date is September 9th, 2019 ... woot woot 

A little background on myself ... Always have been a small town girl, was born and raised for some of my life in Dryden, Ont, moved to Winnipeg and finally planted some roots in Kenora Ontario. 

I have been very blessed and extremely lucky to have fallen into the career that I love so much. I am an Employment Consultant for Kenora Association for Community Living. I have the privilege of working with individuals and help them not only find meaningful employment but also find purpose, a place they fit in their community and watch them become who they have always been but could never see. I also work at our Local Detox Center a few times a month. I feel that I have been given this amazing gift of recovery and if I can even give a glimmer of faith to the addict that still struggles, then I have done something for someone that was done for me, which was give hope. 

I would have to say my passion now is to be a voice for those who have not quite found theirs yet. I say this because this is something that I have just recently found myself and what a freeing and unreal thing not only to feel but to experience. I never really understood the power in this until My Partner, Jay and I started to do the Recovery Couple. The amount of support and love is unreal but what I never thought in a million years is that by me opening up about my addiction, my struggles, my thoughts, fears, and everything in between that it would give someone hope, give someone the courage they need to make a difference In their lives. For me this is something that is very close to my heart. 

Where to begin with this question. I guess my experience with being an addict is it's got me to where I am today. I was actually talking about this the other day to someone. I was looking at old pictures of myself while I was using and even in the very first few months of my recovery and I remember saying in my head just wait and see what Recovery brings you. I never in my wildest dreams ever thought I could have the life I have today. I thought when I was in active addiction that the pain, the suffering, the brokenness was it. I thought because I had gone so far down the rabbit hole that this was the only life I was going to know and the only life I deserved. There was a point where I had lost my children, a week away from losing my home, I didn't know if I would ever be able to come back to my career. The experience of being in active addiction is I now know how strong I am, I know my worth for the first time in my life, I actually am learning who I am as Ashley and not an addict, that I deserve a good life and that I am loved. I can say that My experience with being an addict is I am who I am because of where I have been. 

I can tell you that after experiencing the loss of one of my best friends that something changed in me. I can tell you I became a shell of a person, I can tell you I completely checked out, I can tell you I wanted to give up. I think this was the beginning of my unmanageability. My life got a lot worse including my children being taken from me, some of my family and friends having to let go because watching someone they love kill themselves was too much. I surrounded myself with people who were just as sick and as broken as me so I could make what I was doing and where I was in my life make sense in my head. There was a time where I would wake up and wish I wasn't me. I lived to use and used to live. The life I had once known was gone. 

Once I finally admitted I needed help, I was able to get hooked up with a counselor who guided me in deciding on residential treatment Center called the Jubilee Center in Timmins On. The process took  about 3.5 months from beginning to the day I went to treatment. I can tell you this felt like forever but in the meantime I went to appointments each week and talk to my counselor. I did a 7-day detox stay in Thunder Bay where I flew to Timmons and did a 28 day residential program. This is where I learnt about the rooms of NA and AA. Once my program was finished, I then went on and stayed at a recovery home for a month in Thunder Bay On called Cross Roads. I eventually got a sponsor, I did my steps and was able to get a strong foundation to truly begin my road to recovery. 

If you would have asked me 17 and a bit months ago if I would have the life I do today, I would have told you there is no way. I would have told you I didn't deserve it. I would have told you I'm not good enough and definitely would not be writing to you today. I can tell you that this has been the hardest, most beautiful, painful yet freeing journey I have ever been on. For the first time in my life I have a life worth living. I have the best relationship with my daughters today. I have family and friends who are proud of me. I have the most amazing partner who is also in recovery and completely understands me, sometimes better than I do myself. I can look at myself in the mirror and really look at me. I can tell myself I am proud of who I am and what I am doing. My partner and I have started a thing called the Recovery Couple which we do a weekly live on Facebook and pick a topic about recovery and what it means to us in our life. This has opened up doors that I did not even know existed or would even be something I could dream of. All because I took a chance, put one foot in front of the other even when I didn't know why I was. All because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and had a glimmer of hope that maybe I could have a better life not only for myself but for my girls. I am truly blessed for the life I have today. 

I wake up every day and thank my higher power that I am clean and sober. I read recovery literature to reflect on where I am in my life. I have the most amazing partner who is also in recovery and guides me and walks beside me on this journey, I am beyond grateful that he came into my life and together we  are breaking the stigma. I talk Loud and proud each and every day about recovery. I go to meetings  when I feel the need and I am able to talk when I need to. I know if I don't, it will lead me down a path where it's me against my thoughts. I have been given a gift and I keep that very near and dear to my heart. 

I am grateful for each and every day that I wake up. Grateful for people I have in my life. Grateful that I have chosen to continue on the recovery path and grateful that I have the opportunity to hopefully help someone just like me. The list goes on and on but I am so grateful I am clean and sober today. 

I am still in early recovery myself but one thing that has helped me is knowing that MY recovery is just for me, not for anyone else and I do what feels right for me. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, even when you don't understand and to trust the process. 

Jay: